You Are Not What You Do | Ft. Joe cover art

You Are Not What You Do | Ft. Joe

You Are Not What You Do | Ft. Joe

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Summary

 We ask one question to every man who sits across from us: What is the main problem men are facing in society based on your experience and perspective?For Joe — fitness trainer, founder of the Dead Ego Club, and a man who once had his entire identity built on a music career and other people's applause — the answer was immediate: Identity. Men have become human doers instead of human beings. They hide behind their job title, their income, their performance — and in doing so, they slowly lose themselves entirely.What unfolds in this episode is one of the most raw, honest, and deeply personal conversations We Take the Stairs has ever had. Joe doesn't just name the problem. He lived it. From a homeless musician chasing stages and validation, to a man who stood in front of his mirror one morning and felt something physically break off his body — Joe's story is proof that the stripping process, as painful as it is, is exactly how God reveals who you actually are.Guest Joe — Fitness trainer, founder of the Dead Ego Club, and recently married man of faith based in South Florida. Joe built a brand around one simple but radical idea: less of me. His mission is helping men strip away false identities and discover who they actually are beneath the performance.Chapters00:00 — Welcome & The One Question: Joe's Answer Is Identity01:30 — Human Doers vs. Human Beings: Why Men Hide Behind Their Work05:00 — The Billionaire Problem: Why We Label People by Net Worth08:00 — Dead Ego Club: The Music Career That Inspired the Brand14:00 — Other People's Applause Was My Drug18:00 — What Actually Helps: The Stripping Process & Jesus24:00 — Performance-Based Love: What Society Has Always Told Men29:00 — Ecclesiastes & Rest: Chasing the Wind vs. Joy in Your Labor37:00 — Rest Is Faith — And Not Resting Is Operating in Fear45:00 — Abandonment: The Root Beneath the Identity Crisis53:00 — The Mirror Moment: Speaking Identity Over Himself01:05:00 — Rapid Fire & We TakesKey Topics CoveredHuman Doers vs. Human Beings — Joe names the core of the male identity crisis: men have traded being for doing. They define themselves by their job title, income, and output — and the world reinforces this at every turn. The first question anyone asks is what do you do, not who are you.The Dead Ego Club — Born from the wreckage of a music career built entirely on performance and external validation, Joe's brand carries one message: less of me. He explains how chasing stages, applause, and celebrity left him surrounded by people but completely alone — and how that collapse became the beginning of something real.The Stripping Process — You don't find yourself by becoming more. You find yourself by stripping away what you're not. Joe references Michelangelo's famous quote about David — I just took away everything that wasn't David — and applies it directly to identity.Performance-Based Love & What Society Tells Men — Rachael makes a sharp observation: from the beginning of time, men have been conditioned to earn love through performance. Win the war, make the money, get the promotion. If you don't perform, who are you? Joe and Jackson unpack why this cycle is so hard to break — and what it costs men in relationships.Ecclesiastes & Rest — Joe opens his Bible to Ecclesiastes before the episode and finds something that speaks directly to the issue: King Solomon had everything — wealth, wisdom, pleasure — and called it all chasing the wind. The takeaway isn't stop working. It's have joy in your labor. And rest is faith. If you can't rest, you're not trusting God. You're operating in fear.Abandonment as the Root — One of the most vulnerable moments of the episode. Joe's mother left when he was in kindergarten due to drug addiction. That early wound — the fear of abandonment — followed him into every relationship for years, showing up as anxiety, people-pleasing, and performing for love. The root wasn't the relationships. It was the little boy still crying at the door.The Mirror Moment — After hitting rock bottom in a toxic relationship cycle, Joe woke up one morning, closed his Bible, looked in the mirror, and started speaking his identity out loud. Something physically broke off. He describes it as deliverance — and it was the first moment he truly began to know who he was.Affirmations and Identity — Joe has read the same set of affirmations every single day for two years. At first it feels like lying to yourself. Eventually your mind starts to believe it as truth. Repetition creates revelation.Scriptures ReferencedEcclesiastes — All is vanity; chasing the wind; have joy in your laborPsalm 46:10 — Be still and know that I am GodProverbs 3:6 — He will make your path straightEphesians 3:20 — More than we can ask or imagineBooks Referenced 📖 How to Win Friends and Influence People — Dale Carnegie Referenced by Joe: take genuine interest in other people before talking about ...
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