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Therapy with The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to better understand you. Helping to move as much of life's issues from the unconscious, from the unseen, from the invisible, into the conscious, into the seen, into the visible.

That which you cannot seen, you have no hope of changing. Change begins when you can see some things. Therefore, it is useful to understand that Therapy with The Kairos Centre involves working with the unconscious, the unseen, the invisible.

Here are the 3 Stages that is involved in every 50 minutes Therapy session - called The Egan 3 Stages:

STAGE 1: EXPLORING - which is what takes place during each Therapy session, as we jump into the sand pit together in a curiosity way (not criticism), in order to see what we can find and move it into the consciousness, into the seen, into the visible.

STAGE 2: REFLECTING (in order to gain INSIGHT & UNDERSTANDING) - This stage belongs entirely to you. It is all about what you do with the matters which we explored together in the session, so that you chew on them, you think about them, you reflect on them outside of the session. Since, as you do so, you gain insight and greater understanding. You use a highlighter pen to make issues visible. They can never be invisible again, even if you do not move to stage 3. You can now see some things that belong to you - based upon what we explored in stage 1.

STAGE 3: ACTION/CHANGE - based upon the new insights & understanding gained, the question in front of you is - 'What ACTION/CHANGE do you what to set about implementing (or not)'. The choice belongs entirely to you and once made, The Kairos Centre continues to be alongside you to help you with the change process which you have decided upon. (You are not alone).

Another useful tool to help you recognise blind spots, is 'Johari's window'. Here is a Youtube link with an explanation about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7rlCgy6i88

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access: https://www.kairos-centre.com/singles-couples-partners-marriage-programme/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode keywords: Couples Therapy,Relationship Advice,Building Healthy Relationships,Communication,Conflict Resolution,Intimacy and Connection,Relationship Coaching,Navigating Relationship Challenges,Love and Commitment,Couples Counseling,Conflict Resolution,Couples Conflict,Relationship Disagreements,Healthy Communication in Relationships,Partnership Dynamics,Resolving Relationship Issues,Emotional Intelligence in Conflict,Building Trust,Effective Communication,Sex help,Sex not working,Sex Therapy,Psychosexual help,Empowerment,Healing Journeys,Personal Growth,Intimacy Building,Addiction in Relationship,Infidelity Online Therapy,The Kairos Centre Peer Pressure,Separation,Divorce,Fear,Anxiety,Stress,Mental Health and Addiction, Dissociation,Anger,Husband has porn,EMDR,wife cheating,wife has porn,wife has another man,wife with a woman,husband with a man,Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing,Compulsive Behavior,Trauma Healing,Neuroplasticity,Online Therapy,Self-Soothing Behaviors,Childhood Trauma,Inner Child work,Childhood Development and Addiction bullying,Porn Addiction Recovery,Abuse,Sexual Abuse,Spiritual abuse,Church abuse,Minister abuse, Pastor abuse,Domestic Violence,Family

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The Law of Sustainment refers to the principle that your ability to maintain progress towards your goals is closely tied to your self-image and identity. If your inner beliefs do not align with your aspirations, it can lead to inconsistency and failure to achieve lasting change.

Put slightly differently: It says 'If you see yourself in a certain way, you'll find it hard to sustain lasting change'.

Can you identify with anything in this poem?

The world’s finest Apple A poem by Julian R. Smith

"You must learn that you cannot be loved by all people

You can be the finest apple in the world - ripe, juicy, sweet,

succulent - and offer yourself to all.

But you must remember that there will be people who do not like apples.

You must understand that if you are the world's finest apple, and

someone you love does not like apples, you have the choice of becoming a banana.

But you must be warned that if you choose to become a banana

you will be a second-rate banana.

But you can always be the finest apple.

You must also realise that if you choose to be a second-rate banana.

There will be people who do not like bananas.

Furthermore,

You can spend your life trying to become the best banana -

which is impossible if you are an apple

- or you can seek again to be the finest apple".

What is clear is that somewhere in the past, something happened - usually in the childhood development period. You now find yourself trying to please people - to fit in and be accepted. You try to present a version of you to the people in the 'system' you are currently interacting in, in order to be accepted.

If that means changing from being an Apple, to a Banana, then so be it. Being accepted in that grouping is the most important factor. Therefore you constantly metamorphorise in order to please and be accepted.

The problem: You never identified and evolved into being the real authentic you or you lost the real authentic you.

So - 'standup the real authentic you' - becomes futile because the real authentic you is not known.

'Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all' - will get the response - 'Well it's all those others, isn't it!'

The Russian doll image best illustrates the protected Inner child deep inside the layers - being protected from the hostile world.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Couples Therapy,Relationship Advice,Building, Marriage counselling,Marriage help,Marriage therapy,Couples counselling,Healthy Relationships,Communication,Conflict Resolution,Intimacy and Connection,Relationship Coaching,Navigating Relationship,Love and Commitment,Couples Counseling,Conflict Resolution,Couples Conflict,

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In this episode, let's say it all in poetry.

My Brain And Heart Divorced – John Roedel

My brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become

eventually, they couldn’t be in the same room with each other

now my head and heart share custody of me

I stay with my brain during the week

and my heart gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

– instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every week

and their notes they send to one another always says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the future

they blame each other for the state of my life

there’s been a lot of yelling – and crying so,

lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my gut

who serves as my unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine and collapse on my gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes up

last evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know if I could live with either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,”

I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while,”

I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away

“if you are exhausted about your heart’s obsession with the fixed past and your mind’s focus on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath you can rest while your heart and head work
their relationship out.”

this morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leaves

and while my heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little bag and walked to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock she opened the door with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me she said

“what took you so long?”

~ John Roedel

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"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton.

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"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." — G.K. Chesterton

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"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton

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"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility" — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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“It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged

The only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it....” (Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll)

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.

Episode keywords: Couples Therapy,Relationship Advice,Building Healthy Relationships,Communica