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Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks

By: Vanessa & Xander Marin
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Summary

 Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!2024 Hygiene & Healthy Living
Episodes
  • E260: How To Orgasm Like A Man: Breaking The Blocks That Keep Women Stuck

    E260: How To Orgasm Like A Man: Breaking The Blocks That Keep Women Stuck
    May 14 2026
    For a lot of women, orgasm feels like this mysterious thing that either happens or it doesn't. Nobody taught you how. And somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that your pleasure is complicated, too demanding, or just... less important. But here's what we want you to hear: that's NOT true. In this episode, we reframe the whole conversation, asking what it would look like if women approached their own pleasure with the same expectation men do. No apology, no overthinking, no putting everyone else first. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The mental blocks that pull women out of the moment, from body distraction and to-do list thinking to feeling awkward or selfish for focusing on your own pleasure at all. The technique gaps no one ever filled in, including what to do if you've never had an orgasm, if you can only get there through oral, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner. The relational stuff that makes it even harder — worrying about how you smell or taste, not knowing how to redirect a partner without hurting his feelings, and the faking cycle that's been going on so long you don't even know how to stop. How to think like a man during sex and what it would actually mean for a woman to show up to her pleasure with that same sense of entitlement (in the best possible way). What the path forward actually looks like, whether you're starting from zero or expanding what's already working, both solo and with a partner. If you've ever felt like your orgasm is the last priority, this one is for you. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES Finishing School is Vanessa's step-by-step system for learning how to orgasm consistently, reliably, and in more ways than you might think possible. It's been completely rebuilt around the three blocks covered in this episode: Mindset, Technique, and Partnership. Work through the mental and emotional blocks keeping you stuck in your head Learn The Finishing Formula and the specific techniques most likely to get you there Built to meet you exactly where you are, with a 30-day money-back guarantee 👉🏻 Check out Finishing School here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm 💛 STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 5 mins
  • E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)

    E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)
    May 7 2026
    This one's for the sleep-deprived, the time-starved, the diaper-changing, homework-helping parents who still want to feel like a couple. We see you. And we asked our community to help us show up for you in a big way. In this episode, we're reading real responses from real parents — practical, doable ideas and a little tough love for making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we talk about parenting and intimacy even though we don't have kids ourselves The #1 thing our parent community says completely changed their sex life (hint: it involves your calendar) How to stop resentment before it builds The small acts of emotional intimacy that go a long way The little rituals making a real difference Timing hacks that real parents swear by The privacy solutions couples are using so they can actually relax Mindset shifts that unstick couples from dry spells and all-or-nothing thinking A powerful DM from a parent in our community that will challenge you, encourage you, and maybe make you tear up a little Your relationship isn't something you'll get back to someday. This episode is the reminder you needed to start now. ✨ Want a simple, fun way to keep the spark alive every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription packed with fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters — designed for real couples with real lives. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Talking to your kids about sex and relationships doesn't have to be awkward — but it does have to happen. Beyond The Birds & The Bees is our guide to having honest, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about bodies, relationships, and healthy sexuality — so they hear it from you first. Practical scripts and conversation starters for every age Takes the guesswork (and the cringe) out of the talk Helps you raise kids with healthy attitudes about sex and relationships Because the best gift you can give your kids is parents who aren't afraid to go there 👉🏻 Check out Beyond The Birds & The Bees here: http://vmtherapy.com/kids 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire

    E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire
    Apr 30 2026
    Whether it's a glass of wine to take the edge off or a gummy to get out of your head, a lot of people use substances to feel more relaxed, more connected, or more in the mood. But there's a lot more happening under the surface than most people realize. In this episode, we're pulling back the sheets on how alcohol and marijuana actually affect desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm — including some real talk from our own experience and candid responses straight from our Pillow Talks community. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we're upfront about our bias as sober people — and why some of our worst sex happened while intoxicated The real reasons people turn to substances for sex What our community shared about their own experiences — from laughing too hard to try anything, to not being able to orgasm at all The dangers that don't get talked about enough: impaired judgment, consent confusion, emotional flattening, and how substances can make it harder to get aroused, get wet, get hard, or finish The long-term patterns to watch for, including building a dependence on substances just to feel intimate Is sober sex awkward at first? What to do if your libido is low and you're wondering if weed might help How to tell your partner that sex while intoxicated makes you uncomfortable What to do if you're the one who's been relying on substances to get in the mood and you want to change that This one is honest, a little vulnerable, and genuinely useful, whether substances are a regular part of your sex life or you've never even thought about it. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship — every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month — less than a latte, way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 5 mins
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I follow Vanessa and Xander on Instagram and love watching their stories and posts. I was really excited about their podcast when it came out and it didn't disappoint. So nice to listen to more in depth information about relationships and sex. The podcast is so easy and enjoyable to listen to!

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