In this week's episode of Off The Data Provided, Dr. Marcus C. Shepard revisits Kat Vellos’s book "We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships" and explores why making and keeping friendships in adulthood is so hard right now.

Dr. Shepard highlights the loneliness epidemic (quoting the former U.S. Surgeon General about its health impact) and how smartphones, social media, busyness, and life changes make us “alone together. The episode breaks down the book’s core “seeds of connection”: proximity (being nearby), frequency (repeated contact), comparability (compatibility/harmony), and commitment (showing up). He also mentions the common finding that it typically takes around 200 hours to turn an acquaintance into a close friend.

Vellos’s practical approaches, which include a Friendship Incubator idea and a hypothesis that ten consecutive days of quality time can rapidly deepen a bond are discussed as a way to accelerate closeness. In addition to Vellos's idea, actionable tips in the episode include moving online connections offline, using local places (libraries, gyms, classes) to meet people, creating routines like weekly TV nights or pizza Fridays, guarding against perpetual busyness, and setting boundaries around phone use to be more present.

Dr. Shepard also covers warning signs and relationship dynamics to watch for: unequal effort in friendships (the “fat friend” pattern), the rise of amienships (people you follow but don’t invest in), and the need to call out or exit one-sided relationships.

This episode is a clear, practical overview for anyone struggling to build adult friendships and recommends Kat Vellos’s book as a helpful resource to cultivate more meaningful, lasting connections.

**Sorry for the delay, my hosting site was having technical issues for over a day**

On this week's episode, Dr. Marcus C. Shepard examines a new Institute for Family Studies article that challenges the soulmate script and explains how social media, dating apps, and AI can distort expectations about romantic relationships (https://ifstudies.org/blog/rethinking-the-one-how-the-soulmate-script-distorts-romance)

The episode contrasts ‘soulmate’ thinking (destiny beliefs) with a growth mindset, describes the illusion of perspective created by abundant choices, and explains why lasting partnerships require investment, commitment, self-expansion, and balancing novelty with predictability.

Research discussed shows growth beliefs predict steadier satisfaction over time, while destiny beliefs encourage quick judgments and relationship instability.

Dr. Shepard also offers practical advice in Ask Dr. Shepard on maintaining close friendships as an adult: schedule check-ins, use asynchronous communication creatively, plan shared activities, and make consistent investments of time and attention.

In this week's episode, Dr. Marcus C. Shepard breaks down the Institute for Family Studies' 2025 survey (https://ifstudies.org/report-brief/americas-demoralized-men-part-1) of over 2,000 young men (ages 18–29), exploring how definitions of adulthood are changing and how economic and educational shifts are reshaping life milestones.

The episode covers major findings on how many young men delay traditional markers like full-time work and formal education, most remain open to dating and want marriage/children, college ambivalence, and surprising role model results (parents and teachers outrank online influencers). It also highlights that young men largely associate manhood with responsibility and sacrifice rather than extremist "manosphere" views.

Dr. Shepard ties the data to interpersonal communication implications—how subjective adulthood criteria create confusion, how financial insecurity delays relationship milestones, and why clear communication and defined personal metrics matter.

The episode closes with an Ask Dr. Shepard segment offering practical advice to a listener torn between an ex who wants to reconnect and someone they are currently dating.