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Football Crumpets

The Laugh-Out-Loud Queer Comedy Script

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Football Crumpets

By: Lucie Isle
Narrated by: Lucie Isle, Len Pennie, Lewis Hancox, Albert Desymons Azis-Clauson, Rose Clark, Freddie Main, Charlie Craggs
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Welcome to Funcliffe park. It’s a crusty old caravan park that's falling into the sea, the neighbours are all weird, but forget about that! Have a cuppa and a crumpet instead. It’s 1999 and Nanna wants to keep her football-mad grandson Nobby out of trouble, but everything’s going wrong. Nobby’s having a terrible birthday, Nanna's whacked the local MP with a marigold glove and worst of all, she’s just stewed the tea. Will Nanna and Nobby triumph? Or is it full time for Funcliffe?

©2025 Lucie Isle (P)2025 Lucie Isle Literature & Fiction Satire
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Listener received this title free

This book ability to make you fall in love with smallest moments. It’s funny charming and heartwarming in all the right ways whilst also having incredibly important overarching themes. A book about a “boring” old caravan parked made me tear up twice - a truly special listen !!!

Beauty in mundanity

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Brilliant. A must-listen!! So funny, full of references that will please football nerds and the loveliest, sweariest Nanna. So many little Easter eggs in the dialogue that made me smile, and I’m sure I probably didn’t catch half of them on first listen. Also absolutely in awe of Lucie voicing so many characters!! I felt teary at times listening to it, but it didn’t feel like a deliberate tear jerker or overly sentimental at all, it’s because the cast of characters and the story are written with such love. Can’t wait to re-listen and I might even treat myself to the script!

A joyful listen featuring the best sweary Nanna!!

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Listener received this title free

Football Crumpets is genuinely brilliant; a story within a story, wherein themes of trans identity, classism, and discrimination are visited in a way that evokes emotion across the spectrum. The cast are amazing, and Lucie has written a hell of a script. It's wry, compelling, surprising, incredibly funny, and it just feels so concise and well-made. I listened to the darn thing a second time after my first listen on the same day because it's just that good (plus there is some serious re-listen value in this)! This absolutely slaps.

A Hilarious and Touching Story of Identity

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Chose to listen to this while painting the hallway. What a great listen, very enjoyable. Thought all the voices were excellent and I’m sure I recognise some of those characters! : ) M x

Very entertaining

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Football Crumpets strikes the perfect balance of humour and heart. The characters are bitingly funny and emotionally nuanced, brought to life by a wonderful cast. Lucie Isle is hilarious.

So f**king funny

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