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Fawning

Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves – and How to Find our Way Back

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Fawning

By: Ingrid Clayton
Narrated by: Ingrid Clayton
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About this listen

AS FEATURED ON BBC WOMAN'S HOUR

Fawning is the vital, newly-discovered topic in psychology. You've heard of fight, flight and freeze - but fawning might be the most common trauma response of all. Learn how to work through it and find freedom with the leading expert, Dr. Ingrid Clayton.

Do you avoid conflict?
Do you tend to take the blame?
Do you take care of others at the expense of yourself?
Do you live in a state of hypervigilance?

Fawning can present as being more of who someone is: smart, generous, successful, funny, or beautiful, while for others it's about being less: vocal, ethnic, creative, self-assured or boundaried. Fawning can be visible or invisible; it can manifest in our relationships to sex or money, or in the tendency to 'people-please'; but one thing remains constant: it is about finding safety in an unsafe world, often at our own expense.

Fawning expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton is here to bring clarity and support. The first book by a practitioner with years of experience, Fawning will shine a light on this under-represented but crucial piece of the trauma puzzle. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work, as well as a lifetime of insight as a recovering fawner herself, this groundbreaking book brings this emerging concept into the mainstream conversation. Readers will learn WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning and WHAT we can do to successfully 'unfawn', using Clayton's invaluable tools and resources to find meaningful, reciprocal connections - and finally be ourselves.

©2025 Ingrid Clayton (P)2025 Bonnier Books UK
Conflict Resolution Mental Health Personal Development Personal Success Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Funny
All stars
Most relevant
I found listening to the book incredibly moving and emotionally healing on many levels.

complex post traumatic trauma the many layers

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I was so looking forward to this book being released because I knew it was just what I needed and there didn't seem to be much else out there dedicated to this particular trauma response: the book has more than met my hopes and expectations!

The feeling I was left with after finishing it was similar to when I'd listened to other equally important texts by Dr Ramani and Pete Walker... as in, I feel cared for, seen, believed and empowered. Ingrid is very clearly passionate about other trauma survivors finding our way to self-compassion and living with more joy through a greater understanding of ourselves and our ways of relating to others.

I already had quite a good understanding of what fawning meant through Pete Walker's work but I really appreciated how much depth this book went into. Personally, I enjoy learning through a mixture of scientific/neurological explanations combined with personal anecdotes, so this was perfect for me.

I also loved how the book was divided into two parts - the first half explaining just what fawning is and what it looks like, the second half about how UNfawning can be worked towards.

Thank you so much, Ingrid. This is a gamechanger for survivors, therapists. I've shared the link with so many of my friends already. I'm going to re-read it myself straight away, so that I can absorb it more.

A game-changing text!

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This book filled so many gaps in my therapy practice- thank you Dr Clayton for making me a better therapist!

An excellent book

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This book has catapulted my self-awareness into a new realm. I am so, so, grateful for Ingrid and the path she has opened here. This book perfectly describes a lesser known trauma response and facilitates a new level of self understanding and compassion. I firmly believe this book with become hugely significant for many people. This book deserves the same recognition as Mel Robbins 'Let them', and I'm sure in time, this book will inevitably gain huge traction. I can't overestimate the value of this book for me personally - suddenly, everything makes sense, and now I am trying to assimilate the words on the page into the real world of my messy life.

Thank you so much Ingrid.

Perhaps the most important book of my life.

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Dr Ingrid has brought a whole new outlook to this trauma response. Her own approach to the understanding comes from her personal life experiences which I feel is the most intrinsic aspect to her book. Ingrid knows, has been there and with great empathy she is able to subtly navigate a way we can see how Fawning shaped who we show up to be today. How we can Unfawn with kindness, bravery and create a new future without the old emotions, behaviours and coping stragies that were created in our early years. It was in our relationships we had with people who held power and situations over us where my Fawning began. I feel this is such an important book which will definitely provide wisdom for those of us could do with some right now. Thank you Ingrid x

I am looking forward to meeting the person who I was supposed to be❤️🩷🧡

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