Trevor and Jenn hold down the fort solo this week — and yes, we noticed it's quiet. #WheresThomas? He's off visiting family, reporting in dutifully from each Buc-ee's along the way (a sacred roadside service to one's country, apparently). We get into the Great Buc-ee's Sameness, the FGGC road trip that "disintegrated into madness," and why no two Golden Crew members should ever be trusted with a steering wheel again.

On the news front: Carnival's rolling out a fleet-wide "Frightfully Fun" Halloween event, kicking off aboard Carnival Illuminosa out of San Francisco on Sept 20 and haunting the rest of the fleet through October 31. Trevor walks through what a Halloween cruise is actually like (bring the costume, leave the prop guns at home).

Then it's hurricane season — John Heald shared Carnival's behind-the-scenes look at the Fleet Operations Center in Miami, the NASA-looking command room tracking all 29 ships. TL;DR: if your port gets moved, it's for your protection, so go get a complimentary soft serve and relax. (As always, verify any Heald content against his real, verified Facebook page — there's a known impostor account out there.)

Plus: a wild post-debarkation brawl at Port Miami off the Carnival Conquest that landed 16 passengers on the do-not-sail list, a hard-won cruise tip involving the Carnival melting cake (ask for peanut butter, thank us later), a moment of silence for the dearly departed Blue Iguana banana cream pie, and a SpeakPipe from Mikayla in Maine that cut off at the most dramatic possible moment — twice. We're choosing to believe she named her firstborn after us.

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